New chapter.

Finally I managed to break up with him officially.

I m glad I managed to step out from my current life. After breaking up with him, even though I went thru everyday alone and will tons of missing of him, I still happy with my decision.

I don't have to feel sad for being ignored again.
I don't have to find excuse for myself for the way he treated me.
I don't have to wait for him anymore.

But I still very disappointed that he can be so heartless after three years being together.
I still wonder what I am for him.
I still wonder did he fall out of love before we broke up.
I still can't believe .. this is the man I chose.

I also wonder why I never feel loved for the previous relationships. Why I am always the one care too much ? I know it's my own problem. I have put too much attention in relationship. I should love myself more and improve myself. I never know I can love so hard. I hate myself being so soft. I hate myself for letting others to hurt me. I hate everything of myself sometimes.

Even after broke up, he didn't hold me back at all. Nothing at all. He still ignored my text even I tried to communicate with him in better way. May b ... he really doesn't really love me much even after three years.

It's really hurt to know the truth after I 've been trying to hold this relationship so hard for this years. Ended up, all my efforts are nothing for him.

I am very depressed with this relationship brought me thru. I am having a very hard time to get over all these ugly truths.

But still, I m happy that I finally made the step out. If I could have next relationship ( I m very afraid of it coz I sked I gonna do thru the same shit again and again ), I hope he can be the last one who can love me thoroughly. 

But at this moment, I need to learn to love myself. I must become a better person no matter who I going to meet the next.

And add on one great news , I also unfriend with the friend I wished to cut off for so long. So I don't have to be fake like her anymore. One of my best things happened in my life.